Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Every time I think I've hit rock bottom, someone throws me a shovel.

I am trying, have been trying to find a teaching job. Recently I found out that Austin High had an available opening in the Theater Dept. It turns out that the Head Theater teacher there was my theater teacher for my freshman year at Dulles High. I emailed him, letting him know what I've been up to and that I was interested. I got other people to put in good words for me too. Called in as many favors as I could, and then promised favors away. Anxiously I waited for a reply from him, or a call from the principal to interview. A week went by. Suddenly, the job posting was removed from the district's website. No phone call. No email. I'm crushed. The worst thing about it is that he didn't contact me. I didn't expect him to remember me, but with the effort I went through, and the "good words" that were supposedly put in on my behalf, you would at least expect a "sorry, he position's been filled email." Would have taken 2 seconds to write.

I have had such a struggle to make it even this far with my quest to have a teaching career that when I saw this posting I felt like the stars had aligned. This will be it I told myself. The reason why it's been so hard, the reason why no one will give me a shot is because I am supposed to have this position.

I am sick of red tape. I am sick of applying online. I am sick of being reduced to an applicant number. I'm sick of state requirements. I'm sick of rules and systems that assume that I am the lowest common denominator. I'm sick of feeling like my BA is worthless because I majored in Drama. I'm sick of watching people that I am smarter and better than get moved ahead of me because they have a piece of paper I don't. I'm sick of hearing why are you doing this? You obviously should be way beyond this. You are too amazing to be here. I'm sick of hearing wow you'd be perfect! Too bad you don't have <insert bullshit requirement>.

I was a long term biology sub at Kempner. The department head loved me. The staff had such respect for me that when the Honors Bio teach was absent, they got a sub for me instead so that I could supervise the Honors fetal pig dissection. An observing teacher, herself an honors bio teacher, was amazed at my grasp of the anatomy and my ability to direct the dissection. Guess what? I only had 1 high school biology course, and I barely passed (because I didn't apply myself). The science department head at Kempner desperately wants to hire me. To teach any science. She even offered me the honors physics classes. But she can't. Why not? Because they won't let me take the subject test to be certified. Why not? Because I don't have enough college hours in science. Well, I don't have any college hours in medieval weaponry, but I dare anyone to challenge my knowledge. My personal mythology library is more extensive than my former University's is, and by far. The example could go on, but I think I've expressed my view.

I am just so frustrated, and disappointed, and...

I'm supporting a family of four. I don't have time to go back to school, much less the money. I know I need to just pick myself up, and keep on going, and wait for that next opportunity. But right now, all I want to do is punch somebody in the face.

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