25 Things: Stupid Meme

Originally posted on Facebook February 5, 2009

1
My claim to fame at the age of 7 was biting the heads off of live cicada to the amazement of my peers. If you roll your tongue back in your mouth before biting you can't actually taste anything. The trick is to spit the head out before relaxing your tongue. Thank you, there will be another show at 11. Tip your waitress.

2
When I was younger I thought of myself (and believed I was viewed as) someone with strong leadership qualities. Somewhere along the way I think I lost that. Maybe it went away because skills no longer exercised are lost. Maybe my friends (old and new) just don't need to be led, and because it wasn't needed in my social life I let it atrophy in other aspects of my life as well. Eh. Maybe growing older doesn't always mean growing better.

3
Bureaucracy is the bane of my existence.

4
Contrary to my reputation as a (supposed) womanizer in college, I have always been blithely unaware of when a woman's interest in me is romantic instead of amicable. Luckily I'm happily married so this is no longer an issue.

5
If it weren't for spell check in Microsoft Word no one would ever be able to read anything I write. Including my name.

6
Correct spelling is the last bastion of the elitest nazi bastard.

7
I have never been able to do a cartwheel. Ever.

8
I have a significant hearing loss in both ears, and am supposed to be constantly wearing hearing aids. And should have been since the 8th grade. It's hereditary and degenerates overtime; my hearing is much worst now that when I was in high school. Still don't wear my aids tho.

9
I have always been a prolific reader and consequently I think in vocabulary that nobody really uses. This is incredibly embarrassing for me because 1) I was teased about it a lot in elementary school, and 2) I am horrible at pronunciation due to a) my hearing loss and b) nobody really uses these words anymore in common speech.

10
I live constantly in a semi-frustrated state because I cannot grasp that the world is not consistant. Examples - 1) pronunciation. Why can't the french have their own stinking alphabet? like -que. WE HAVE A "K" PEOPLE. If you want to have a "k" sound use a frickin letter K or at least spell it out k-a-y. Q-u-e makes a "qwa" sound as in quest. IT SHOULD ALWAYS MAKE A "QWA" SOUND. And another thing, if it's gonna be que = "kay" what the hell is with Albuquerque? Example 2) I tickle my son under his chin and he laughs. And then sometimes he doesn't. What the hell is with that? He should either NEVER laugh when I tickle under his chin, or ALWAYS laugh, even if he's bleeding profusely from both legs.

Okay, maybe I went a little overboard with number 10. I'm not always so rigid. It's just that sometimes my brain gets stuck in "A=B, B=C, therefore A=C" mode.

11
I daydream constantly. I've died millions of different deaths. I've been the hero, the villain, the flunky. I've slain dragons, solved crimes, and routed galatic armadas. I've seduced thousands and been seduced to boot. I've committed the most heinous of crimes and performed the most noble acts of self-sacrifice. So if it looks like I'm off in my own little world, rest assured there's nothing little about it.

12
From the age of 5 until sometime in middle school I wanted to be a preacher. Then I pursued a degree in acting. Now I'm focusing on achieving a career in teaching. Of all the careers and jobs I identified with and wanted and pursued, it never at any point occurred to me that my all time favorite job would be fatherhood. And the one that I am the most proud of.

13
There is an enjoyable and very publishable novel locked inside my skull.

14
There are probably publishable poems already written and collecting the electronic equivalent of dust on my harddrive.

15
When I read my wife will ask me something, causing me to look up from my book and respond. Then I return to my book and have to spend 5-30 seconds finding my place. Just as soon as I find where I left off Valerie will ask a follow up question. This cycle repeats until I put the book down because I have read the same sentence 40 billion times, been "reading" for half an hour, and not progress one single word in my book.

16
I re-read the same 15-20 books every year. They never get old.

17
My kids are almost too cute to be believed, and too mischievous for the condition of my heart and arteries.

18
I cannot remember the last time I cried for any reason other than cutting onions.19While my geekness is pretty obvious, I still tiptoe around the fact that I have played Dungeons and Dragons weekly for the past 15 years and counting. Likewise the exact amount of Magic the Gathering cards I own will most likely be a secret I take with me to the grave.

20
That being said, I am one of the best Dungeon Masters you are likely to meet. Modesty aside and all that.

21
I can't beleive I spent an hour and a half writing this stupid inconsequential list.

22
The words in my head come out much faster than I type. This causes me to leave out letters (the "this" at the beginning of this sentence was originally "tis") or accidently reverse them, forcing me to stop every five or so words and back up and correct.

23
Much to my wife's dismay I am very entrenched in linear thinking.

24
I'm more comfortable camping in the woods than I am pretty much anywhere else.

25
While I wrote this, as is my habit, I had a Microsoft Word doc open for the sole purpose of hiding my atrocious spelling. As I wrote a word that I knew I misspelled, I typed it in the Word doc and let spell check correct it for me. These are the words I had to spell check "bureaucracy, existence, exercised, blithely, embarrasssing, pronunciation, Albuquerque, heinous, pursued, occurred, publishable, equivalent, sentence, mischievous, and inconsequential." Atrocious I can spell without a second thought, but sentence I have to spell check (I keep wanting to spell it scentence). I tell you, the crosses I have to bear.

Anywho, there's my 25 thingys.